• theloathiest

I Would Give Robert Kraft a Dutch Baby any Day

Maybe my greatest accomplishement (don't tell my kids)

Funny Dad: “Hey family, I’m going to make a Dutch Baby this morning.”

Unfunny Family: “OK, what do you need to make that?”

Funny Dad: “I just need a 25 year old Dutch woman and some time.”

Unfunny Family: “(the sound of awkward silence)”

My genius goes completely unappreciated here. It’s like I’m Lenny Bruce, but living in a very tiny room, telling jokes to my sugar gliders (who I would have named Podo and Kodo). Yet, the Dutch Baby I made this morning was met with quiet appreciation. I’ll take that as a victory.

So, here’s how I did it. First of all, I made the batter the night before. There’s no telling how lazy I’m going to be in the morning. I sometimes get great plans for breakfast. Normally, it involves eggs benedict. Then I wake up, make coffee, stare at the refrigerator for a few minutes and pour some cereal. Incidentally, I mix my cereals – half of bowl of one kind, half of another on top. Don’t judge me. Anyway, this night before step is completely arbitrary dependent on your level of laziness.

Back to my Baby. Here’s the batter. You’re going to want to blend it fiercely. I just put it all into my little countertop rocket blender:

2 eggs

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup milk

2 tablespoons of sugar

A pinch of salt

1 teaspoon of vanilla

Just blended it, took the whole container blender compartment thinging, lidded it, and put it in the fridge overnight. This morning, I woke up and immediately thought of Robert Kraft. Look, if you are the 400-and-somethingst richest guy in the world, why are you paying $20 at a massage parlor for a little illicit wookie wookie? I’m not condoning any of this, but for a million dollar, I’d give Robert Kraft a Dutch Baby every single day – on demand. I digress. (call me)

This morning, I heated the oven to 400 degrees. I put two tablespoons of butter in my favorite 12 inch cast iron skillet. Yes, I have a favorite. It’s like my kids, I just don’t tell my skillets which one is preferred, but I have one. I put the skillet in the heated oven for six minutes (Dougie Fresh six minutes). That way the butter got all nice and bubbly and melty and coated the cast iron.

I poured in the batter, but it back in the oven for 20 minutes. It was all beautiful and puffed and gorgeous after that. It fell immediately. It broke my heart until I realized this was not a souffle. It’s a Dutch Baby. So, it’s supposed to flatten out. As your pancake falls, let your spirits rise. I may trademark that.

I finished it off (like Robert Kraft at his parlor) with powdered sugar and a little bit of maple syrup. I gotta tell you. This was buttery and lovely and delicious. It has a soft inside with crisp edges. You, go make this now. Love you.

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