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Manly Chicken and Noodles

Man crushes are perfectly fine

Jennifer Lawrence, I know you are busy. But, if you ever just wanted to raise a puppy together, I’m amendable. We could take it for walks and love it and squeeze it. I will magnanimously extend the offer to Christina Hendricks, Stevie Nicks or Jason Statham. Yes, I said Jason Statham. We’re raising puppies, not swapping spit.

Tell me that wouldn’t be an awesomely manly dog. “I’m going to take Mustard for a walk. We’ll probably stop along the way to rid the tri-county area of (insert bad guy du jour). I’ll have him back in an hour.”

I’m just saying.

Speaking of Stathamly awesomeness (the chef asserted in an awkward transition), we’re making a version of Amish Chicken and Noodles. They are incredibly plain. I mean like raise a barn, plow the fields and ride a swarm of bees before you even got out of bed kinda’ plain.


· ½ of a cut up chicken. Feel free to cut up a whole chicken yourself. But don’t.

· Three stalks of celery cut up in large chunks

· One large yellow onion, quartered

· Three cans of chicken broth

· Salt and Pepper

· Mashed potatoes

· 16 ounces of Amish Noodles or Spaetzle Noodles

Put the chicken, celery, onions, chicken broth and some salt and pepper in a crock pot. Cover and cook on low for 8 to 10 hours or high for 4 to 5 hours. Take out the chicken, onions and celery. Pull the chicken off the bones. Put the chicken back in the crockpot.

Don’t add the bones, skin, celery or onions back. I must repeat. Just add the chicken back. It should have fallen nicely off the bones. Crock up to high heat. Add your noodles, cover and cook for another 30 minutes. I eat the celery chunks. It’s my dirty little secret. I trust you not to go telling everyone. While we are sharing, I streak every New Years. Mostly it’s in the shower that morning. I am devilishly tepid.

As an aside, I’ve been ordered to mention that this is NOT soup. So, there’s that.

I put a scoop of cooked microwaveable mashed potatoes (the kind that comes in a refrigerated tub) in the bottom of a bowl and pile on the chicken and noodles. That’s it. Seriously. I trust you enough not to mess this up. Manly Amish Plain.

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