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Maybe, Sort of Korean Rice

Mainly pictured - rice

I am very tall and very handsome. Just ask anyone whom is my Mother. I just need to make that perfectly clear. I was the fifth grade Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots champion. I placed second in the town spelling bee. I’m sure they still tell stories about me nailing “anecdotal” under pressure. That’s a big deal in Manteno, Illinois. That town also boasts an abandoned insane asylum purportedly to be the most haunted place in Kankakee County. I sit down with you not. So, clearly I am also very smart and extremely poised under pressure. Yet often, delicate and refined cooking eludes me. My sauces break upon the tatters of my ego. My soufflés fall flat – as if even gravity mocks me. Sometimes you just need a dish to redeem your culinary acumen.

As a word of caution, never mixed canned crab and boxed macaroni and cheese. The dog, who I have previously mentioned eats my underwear, would not go near it. That is never a good sign and the initial cause of my blithe culinary condition. Just because you have readily available ingredients in the pantry does not mean you should combine them in any fashion.

Oh how shalt I fix this shame?

In baseball, you find a slumpbuster. In blogging, you write about the Kardashians. In cooking, you make this perfectly easy and damned delicious Korean Rice. I’ve been to Korea. I must admit I did not bring this recipe back. Speaking of bringing things back in an almost related train of thought - I have a friend that was with me overseas whom avoids facebook to this day claiming he’s still trying not to bring anything back from Korea. People are weird.

As they may have never said in Korea, on to the show.


1 pound of ground beef

½ cup brown sugar

¼ cup of soy sauce

1 tablespoon of sesame oil

1 teaspoon garlic from a jar (or 3 cloves crushed)

½ teaspoon fresh ginger, again from a jar

¼ teaspoon crushed red peppers



A bunch of diced green onions

1 cup of uncooked rice

Start cooking your rice by any means necessary. The meat takes about ten minutes. Plan accordingly.

With ten minutes left in your rice adventures, brown the ground beef and garlic in the sesame oil. You can use regular oil. Only uncouth troglodytes use regular oil in Asian cooking. We’re not THOSE people are we? Of course not.

Drain your meat. Uh huh.

Add brown sugar, soy sauce, ginger and red peppers. Simmer low and slow. It will keep until your rice is finished. Salt and pepper to taste. You shouldn’t need a whole lot of salt. There’s plenty in the soy sauce. Serve over rice and top with green onions.

This dish is fairly most extraordinary and easy. Now, everyone on to the Kardashians…

…said the starting five of almost every NBA team.

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