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Mike Tyson Chicken Breasts with Dijon Mustard

Like a Tyson Opponent, these only last 90 seconds

Well, good afternoon everyone. With mad respects to real chefs, I made these little chicken breasts. Wait, little is an understatement. The chicken breasts I purchased were as large as my head. Seriously, DDD. I imagine the chicken it came from did not go down without a fight. There’s some farmer out there currently curled up in a coop, barn destroyed, crops on fire, huddling and shaking, cursing the day he tamed this massive meat giving beast of a fowl. It was, in fact, the world’s largest chicken breast. Upon it, I stand the conqueror.

Tyson chicken. Heh. I think I’m funny anyway.

So, it was not without at least a modicum of angst that I tackled this enormous savory beast. Without further ado, onto the easy part. Really, this took absolutely no time to prep. I like when that happens.

· Two pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts

· Two tablespoons Dijon mustard

· ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper

· 1 teaspoon paprika

· ¾ cup parmesan cheese

· ¾ cup bread crumbs. I use panko.

· Salt and pepper

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

Heave out your enormous chicken. I do believe there is proper procedure when your breasts are large (insert your own joke here) and you may consider wrapping them in plastic wrap, pounding them down a little. I, of course, said nay to that and trudged forward.

Mix the Dijon, a pinch of salt, and paprika in a bowl. It’s ok to stick a finger in the mustard sauce. If it doesn’t taste alright in the bowl, it won’t taste right on your chicken. Add any flavor you prefer. Smear your breasts lovingly in the Dijon mixture. Uh..uh…completely coat your chicken in it. Please avoid further euphemisms. Mix the parmesan and break crumbs in another bowl. Add pepper to taste. Roll your chicken firmly in the crumbs and place on a wire rack which is placed on a cookie sheet. We not being the picky type have no issues with the chicken going straight onto an oil sprayed cookie sheet. Hit the top with a quick shot of cooking spray – or not.

Here’s the tricky part. Cook for 15 to 20 minutes. I like my chicken breasts to get at least 165 degrees. You can use a meat thermometer poked into the largest part of the breast. If you don’t have a meat thermometer, let it go a little long. When you cut into it, we want the juices running clear and no pink. It’s easy to overcook chicken breasts. It’s easy to undercook them. I make no promises. Let your chicken rest for 5 minutes.

My gigantic breast took 23 minutes. Don’t judge me.

I served mine on the largest plate I could find with some freshly steamed green beans and stuffing from a box. The stuffing has directions on the box. Normally, it takes 7 minutes. As for the green beans, steam over boiling water for ten minutes. You can even just boil them in water. They are your beans, love them as you will.

There was a lot of chicken left over. Today, I decided to put the leftover chicken on a piece of bread topped with the leftover stuffing topped with an egg topped with mayo and salt topped with more bread and a wee bit of angst. Suffice it say, it was so evil it immediately cheated on it’s taxes and kicked a puppy. I don’t recommend that.

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