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Parma Rosa (the packaged stuff)


I am one with the Parma Rosa

I just drove five hours from Chincoteague, Virginia. I went there specifically so my spawn could see the spawn of Misty of Chincoteague. I’ve never read the book. I assume it’s a cross between Judy Blume, The Black Stallion, and Heart of Darkness.


Oh God, are you there, it’s me Joe. There’s a pony here that lays claim to be Misty’s direct descendant. It’s eyeing me suspiciously. I just drove five hours so I could feed this beast. I bought a five dollar bag of pony food. Instead, the gluttonous creature has decided to alternately eat my 15 dollar tourist t-shirt and the wooden fence. My belly button is sun burnt. I’m ready to explore my feelings.


I don’t know where I was going with any of that. Suffice it to say I’m finally home. I have nothing in my house except what I packed back from the wilds of Virginia: two packages of unidentified, unopened pop tarts, five pistachios, one overripe banana and a probiotic yogurt (I worry about my digestive health). I’m a world renowned food blogger. I can turn this mush into a culinary delight.


No, I cannot.


But I do keep several emergency “I don’t feel like putting effort into dinner” emergency meals stashed in my pantry. I always have dried pasta, crushed tomatoes, black beans, tortillas, chicken broth and PARMA ROSA.


Parma Rosa is a powdered pink sauce. It comes in a green package. You find it usually in where you find the spice mixes. It’s made by Knorr – which sounds like a fantasy novel bad guy. I’m going to use it as the prince who got punked by Conan.


Knorr, what is best in life?


The open steppe, a fleet horse, falcons at you rest, and the wind in your hair.

What? No. That sounds like tagline for girly shampoo. Knorr, sit down before you further embarrass yourself. WRONG. Conan…..


Anyway, that stuff is awesome and super easy. Just follow the instructions on the back. I’ll paraphrase.


Boil some heavily salted water. Add your favorite box of noodles. I had spaghetti noodles in my pantry (originally typed panty..thank you spell check), so be it. Add them to the water. In another saucepan, heat 1 ½ cups of milk. Whisk in the Parma Rosa package, when bubbly, turn down the heat and add 1 tablespoon of butter. Simmer and stir until your pasta is done. Put in on your pasta and sprinkle on some parmesan cheese.


To reiterate, “I had spaghetti noodles in my panty.” I love the internet. I hope someone google machines desperately searching for their kicks and winds up here.


In conclusion, if you have the effort to boil two different pans you can do this. I believe in you can do this. Believe me, I am KNORR of Chincoteague! Grawr!!!

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