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Platypus Pie (PlatyPie?)


No Platypi were harmed in the making of this dish.

Did you know there is no accepted plural for platypus? Google-machine that. Platypuses, platypi, or simply platypus – it’s a quandary. Also, the momma platypus lacks teats, secreting milk to her young through her skin. Did you know that these facts add instant credibility to the recipe contained therein? True story.


Anyway, I got this new ceramic dish as a gift, as it was unfit for clown faced pancakes, I made a Platypus Pie in it.


- 2 large or 3 medium or 5 very small potatoes.

- 1/3 cup milk

- 2 tablespoons butter

- A little olive oil

- 1 pound ground Florida platypus (or beef – whatever)

- ½ medium onion chopped, color of your choosing

- 1 clove of crushed garlic (out of a jar)

- 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

- 1/3 cup ketchup

- 8 ounces Frozen veggies if you want (carrots, peas and corn work best)

- Salt

- Pepper

- A good couple of handfuls of cheddar cheese, 3 ounces or so


Preheat oven to 375 degrees.


First of all, let’s make some mashed potatoes. Cut up the potatoes into hunks about the size of half your thumb. There must be a better way to say that…bite sized? Meh. Next, either boil them in salted water until tender OR put about 4 tablespoons of water in the bottom of a microwaveable dish and nuke them for ten minutes. Drain, add butter, milk, season with salt and pepper whilst mashing. Add enough milk for a consistency you like. Measurements be damned. OR, just buy the microwave kind in a tub. As they say in Congress, if you’re not cheating you’re not trying.


Whilst those are cooking, drizzle some olive oil in the bottom of a skillet over medium heat. Cook onions and ground platypus until the platypus is nice and browned. When it’s done, add the garlic, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, veggies and some salt and pepper. Cook for a minute or so.


Incidentally, I totally forgot to add the veggies because I am an imperfect man in an imperfect world. If you forget an ingredient, it just doesn’t matter. That almost goes for any recipe. Omit, and add at will. The only thing vital to this recipe is love…awwww.

Put the meat mixture in the bottom of your special platypus dish you, once again, received as a gift. Spread the mashed potatoes over that like a blanket of rustic manliness. Cover that with cheese (no metaphor required). Put it in the oven for about 20 minutes. Keep an eye on it. You want your cheese bubbling, not burnt.


Enjoy your platypie. Dang, that’s clever. You may use that at will.

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